It's been around four months since I've did anything on Dev, so this is what's happening.
I stopped making art in an attempt to regain interest in what I was doing, thus hoping it would lead to higher quality art. I thought I was going too fast to stay interested. Once I stopped, it was hard to do anything at all. It felt like I had nothing to live for. Nothing got done.
I kept begging my parents to let me take online college again. They didn't trust me from the last time I quit. (I was young and stupid, rushed in, dropped in first class)
Seeing as though I was basically doing nothing useful, they finally just reluctantly let me get it set up. I'm guessing they just wanted me to do something, anything.
It's been a couple months since I got in, and I haven't been participating for the last week.
I was expecting to be surrounded by people that were knowledgeable in the class work. I really wanted to learn something I didn't know/ never thought of. Truth is, every single one of the students were completely new to the whole notion of 3d animation. The faculty generally knew what they were doing, but only in a tiny segment of the process and absolutely despised any inquiry into things they weren't familiar with. No one was dumb, but there wasn't any push for anyone to do better than what they were supposed to. All in all, the whole thing was actually a hindrance to what I wanted to do with my work. Plus it was way too expensive to muck through all the basic classes to get to the advanced ones, which may or may not be advanced at all.
Now I know that the next step to kick-starting my life is getting a commercial license for the software.
I haven't told my parents about what's going on in school yet though. This isn't going to blow over very easily, me being a repeat offender of breaking trust at this age and everything. I still have hope that I'll become a productive member of society, but these are foreboding times.
Perhaps I'll have to get a surprise job somewhere to offset the news when I break it to them. I know I can create amazing things, but I need to do something to correct this whole train wreck of a life.
(I feel a lot more disappointment in myself when I write things down and acknowledge what's happening.)