I've briefly arisen to herald news to those still alive to hear
I've been stuck in a creative rut for over 2 years. Things have long stagnated due to not being able to form solid short-term creative goals. I have a large/long term goal in mind but keep hesitating on making semi-experimental projects that help to expose unique directions. The catalyst of the problem is 'distractions' but in reality it's a confidence issue: a distraction can be overcome when you're confident that you can control and complete it.
What has been happening is that I lack the confidence that certain distractions will ever be completed and/or controlled, so in response creative production grinds to a bare minimum- just idly and futilely attempting to keep my hands busy while I wait for the impending distraction. Even when the distraction has passed or doesn't appear, the slow and inefficient progress leaves me barely scraping on what confidence I have left, so no break-throughs are attempted. On many common occasions I scrounge up just enough to attempt something, just to be blindsided by another distraction. This leaves me in a constant fear that I won't be able to stay committed to experimental projects; so I continue to idly scrape even with no foreseeable distractions.
After over 2 years I'm fiiinally getting a 'vacation'. I've waited long enough to know that this is where the rut should stop and the long anticipated "upward spiral" should begin. With no possible distractions and a small dose of inspiration, I plan on building enough confidence to gain control. Once I make the initial break I expect the momentum to pick up until I've reached a state of "equilibrium"- a state of self sustaining confidence and production.
So I'm returning to the grave- but hold in your minds that the secret of reanimation is within my grasp