I used to be very motivated- I could make things without tiring, create new concepts in stride, and had lots of confidence to back it up. Back then I was also mentally unstable- depression, mood swings, schizophrenia- the 'usual' teenager stuff. Times were very rough, but I felt like I was pursuing some sort of higher purpose.
Now days, I know all the technical processes to make anything beyond what I can imagine. Not only that- I have reached mental stability. But now I'm crippled by indifference.
Life has become so stable that I feel anything extra I do is futile. My family enjoys my company and my help, but they don't share an interest in my creations (procedural programming/ 3d sketching/ world building). I have found that creating tends to be a form of escape from life- but now that life isn't bad enough to warrant escaping, the desire is gone. Life is pleasant, but feels so so very hollow.
(Background- my parents had 13 children, and I'm the last oldish one left in the house(s) to take care of them. My dad is a doctor and always working, and my mom is usually sick.)
I know that I MUST follow my interests, but the quality of life for everyone involved will degrade if I impose self discipline. My demeanor would change for the worse- and things are so stable now that I don't know if it's worth the risk.
So now the decision/ dilemma- what is considered selfish?
Do I focus on my creative drive at the expense of my family?
Do I continue to neglect it- at the risk of losing it- and hope I can pick it up later on when it's more convenient?
Should I find a way out- in a form they'd actually listen to- like college or something?
Somewhere in the gray?
There are a lot of answers, but no appealing solution.